Every cycle that you notice you are having, whether it is worrying, reactivity, pleasing, frustration, etc.. comes from a dynamic of a part of you.
We are born whole, but at some points in our lives, whether it’s due to trauma or lack of emotional attunement, we start disconnecting from ourselves; when we lack resources to process what is happening to us, our intelligent inner system develops different parts to help us survive our reality. The more we live through these parts, the more we become used to relying on them. However, with time, they stop serving us and start causing emotional turmoil instead. Each part of us has its own story, its own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, emotions and behaviors. Every situation can be seen from different perspectives, depending on which part of you is in charge. Identifying, understanding and reintegrating our parts is an essential aspect of the healing journey, which aims to bring us back to our wholeness. Ultimately, your aim is to be able to live life through your whole self not through a part of you.
Exercise: Getting to Know your Parts
It might be helpful to fill out the form above to keep a record of your parts. You can also choose to draw a picture of it to help visualize it.
When you are going through some sort of emotional turmoil, you can ask yourself:
- I wonder what part of me is in charge right now?
- I wonder what needs loving in me right now?
When you have identified a part:
Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths to connect with the part that is coming up for you by tapping into how it feels in your body, and zooming in on that
- What does it feel like in your body when you are in this part?
- What body sensations are associated with this part? Witness them by giving them compassionate attention. If it helps, you may want to put a hand on the body part where you feel the sensations.
- If you could give this part a name, what would it be?
- What does this part look like?
- What is the earliest memory you have of it?
- What is the most important thing to it?
- What is it most proud of?
- What is it most afraid of?
- What does it want most?
- What role does this part make you play? How does it make you behave? (ex: pleaser, controller, achiever, reactive, etc…)
- What is the underlying belief of this part? (ex: Nobody loves me, I am worthless, etc…)
- What is the underlying wound? (ex: Abandonment, rejection, etc…)
- What is the need that is underlying it? (ex: safety, love, belonging, be seen, etc…)
When you feel you have gotten to know this part, you can thank it for making itself known.
Sometimes, when the emotion of a part is very intense and you are unable to connect with it properly, it could be helpful to journal from its perspective to understand it better.